Linguistic Bigotry: German is ugly

I came across this video today at All Things Linguistic, and it reminded me of something that's bugged me for a while. It's one of those things we've heard so many times that it usually passes by unexamined: German is an ugly language. I think people (is this only or mostly a belief of English speakers?) really do think there's something to this statement beyond linguistic bigotry. As though German is objectively, almost mathematically, ugly. Would an aesthetic statement like that pass muster if it were about the works of some obscure composer? "Oh, that guy? It's been proven that his music is ugly." Even people who know nothing about German or Germany "know" that German is ugly. It's just a fact.

So. The video. The gag is that we see a Frenchwoman, an Englishman, an Italian, and a Mexican, each saying his or her language's word for a bunch of things—airplane, butterfly, daisy, and so on—and then the German guy barks some "ugly" German word at us. "See? German! Man, you know? Oh boy." No, no, I get it. It's playing on the timeworn idea that German is just plain abrasive. Of course, the video stacks the deck against German: anything's going to sound rough if you scream it. (Also, I'm not sure the video's depiction of Mexican Spanish is accurate.)

I'm not any kind of German aficionado—I took a year of German in college, my surname is German, and I speak a Germanic language. That's as far as it goes. But as a lover of language and languages, I feel the need to come to poor, sweet German's defense. So I will say it: German isn't objectively ugly any more than French is objectively beautiful. Or any more than it's objectively better to bow than to shake hands. (Or vice versa.) Or any more than ketchup on hot dogs is objectively wrong.

One of the things (I think) people have in mind when they say German is ugly—that is, when they're not just parroting cultural biases they've inherited—is that the velar fricative (the ch in the German pronunciation of Bach) is unpleasant. I have news for you: that sound isn't a very rare sound. And if that sound gets your hackles up, I'm not sure how you've survived the French uvular r, a sound every bit as gargled and gross. To my ears, at least. To my tender ears, the "French r" is an unlovable sound. But that's just me. I have my opinions and tastes, the same as anyone else. Still, you won't hear me carrying on about how disgusting and awful French is. Or maybe it's the German language's celebrated love of consonants? Again, this is hardly unique to German.

Yes, I'm sure the common belief that "German is ugly" is influenced by stereotypes we have of German people. Namely, that they are cold and brutish. (So, in another example of illogic, it stands to reason that their language reflects this.) When looked at that way, the offense is clear. Yet when we're attaching our judgments to people's language, we tend to feel justified. We're not really doing anything wrong. No we're just tarring a nation's language with the brush of bigotry. I don't think it's very nice, and I don't think it makes much sense, either.

Now, as an antidote to that German-is-ugly video, try this one. Watch this and tell me you still think German is harsh and unlovable.